Good Niece Evil Niece

In my continuing effort to alienate my sister-in-law and my wife (cross reference my previous blog entries: My Two Wives and Highlights from my niece's birthday party), I will tell everyone that I believe my niece has multiple personalities: Good Niece and Evil Niece. The Good niece is the one that makes me say, "Awww, she so cute. Honey, you think we can take it home for couple of days?" The Evil Niece is the one that makes me say, "What the @%*$ is she whining about? Why the @%*$ won't she shut up?!"

Which one am I going to get? When am I going to get which one? How can I keep Evil Niece at bay?

Here are some past situations of how Good Niece becames Evil Niece:

Situation 1 - Yellow Submarine

My wife and I borrowed our niece and headed to Brentwood, CA for a fruit picking trip. It's a long drive from where we live so we had to make sure we had something to keep her entertained and occupied. A Beatles CD should do it. She enjoyed most of the Beatles songs, but the one that she really fell in love with was Yellow Submarine so we replayed it for her, but this time we made it a sing-along so she can learn it. Boy did she pick it up fast. Smart little thing - The Good Niece is still the dominant personality. She's laughing and singing with no whining or crying in sight. Unfortunately that was the only song she wanted to listen to from that point on and we were still quite far from Brentwood. Enter Evil Niece. We had to do a sing-along to Yellow Submarine for over an hour. I wanted to put a bullet in my head after 30 minutes. After 40 minutes, the thought of throwing her out the car crossed my mind. In the end, thanks to Evil Niece, I now hate Yellow Submarine. The only time I would consider playing it is if Evil Niece throws a temper tantrum and I know that's the only way to calm her down.

Situation 2 - Dancing Baby Video

It's the Thanksgiving weekend. My sister-in-law and her niece are staying over at my place. Good Niece decided to come and play with Uncle JS. I just happen to have the famous Dancing Baby Video handy and I decided to play it for her. Good Niece thought it was the funniest thing in the world and started singing along and mimicking the baby's dancing. I had my wife and my sister-in-law come over to watch Good Niece do her thing. We all thought she was so cute. Can you guess what happened next? Enter Evil Niece. For the rest of the Thanksgiving weekend, every time there was a chance she would come by and start singing, "I can't stop this feeling..." and wanted me to show her the dancing baby video. I'm taking a nap and she wakes me up to ask me, "Show me dancing baby video". I'm watching football and she wants dancing baby video. I'm blogging, she comes up to me...dancing baby video. I'm working in the backyard, she comes out to find, dancing baby video. I'm in the bathroom, "knock knock", dancing baby video. The low point of the whole thing - Imagine my niece, my wife, and I singing and dancing to the dancing baby video. Imagine that. Imagine my hips trying to move like that baby. Yeah, that's pretty embarrassing isn't it.

Situation 3 - Apple Juice

It's 10pm at night. I'm driving home after a full day of activities. My wife, my sister-in-law, and Good Niece are all in the car. My sister-in-law mentioned that Good Niece like to drink apple juice. That's a good thing. Apple juice is good for her. Auntie and Uncle will make you some homemade apple juice when we get home. Enter Evil Niece, "I don't like your apple juice. I don't want to drink your apple juice. I want the apple juice just like home." Ummm, it's 10pm and there's no place to get the crappy Costco sugar water pretending to be "apple juice" that you like. Just like that the whining begins and it did not stop. It's a like a bloody broken record, "waaah apple juice, waaah apple juice..." Mommy chimes in once in a while to tell Evil Niece that there's no way to get apple juice at this time of the night. "waaah apple juice, waah apple juice..." I tell my wife to find the Beatles' Yellow Submarine CD. No luck. "waaah, apple juice, waah, apple juice..." I pick up a scarf, make it into a ball, and tell my sister-in-law to stuff it down Evil Niece's throat. My sister-in-law gives me a dirty look. "waaah, apple juice, waaah, apple juice..." Ok, ok, ok, Uncle JS will show you the dancing baby video when we get home. "waaah, apple juice, waaah, apple juice..." This went on for about 30 minutes, but it felt like 30 hours. The thought of throwing Evil Niece out of the car crosses my mind again.

I give up. The next time my niece is coming to my place I'll make sure I have some apple juice stored away in the frig...

and dearest sister-in-law, here are the videos your daughter loves so much. You can now play it for her anytime she wants - your baby doesn't have to ask Uncle JS to play it for her anymore.

Yellow Submarine:



Dancing Baby: