About two months ago I got word from my wife that our niece is going to get a huge birthday bash. The parents, my wife, and (by default) yours truly will be involved in planning the party every step of the way. Yip Friggin Pee!
Problem is I can't say to my wife, "No thanks, I'm busy blogging" because I'll risk practicing celibacy for the foreseeable future so I suck it up and play the part of the good uncle even though the thought of 20+ kids running and screaming while high on soda and candy makes me want to Seppuku.
Let me pause for a quick disclaimer:
Before all of ya'll get mad at me; I am painting this with a "little" more dramatic flare for the sake of humor. I love you through and through and that why I'm embarrassing you.
Here are the highlights:
My wife and I bought our niece the Pottery Barn Kids dollhouse for her birthday. My wife always wanted one when she was a little girl. She never got one, so now she's getting one for our niece. Well, so far the dollhouse has been used more by my wife and I than the niece. Truth is the niece will probably appreciate it more when she's a bit older, but right now my wife is appreciating it just fine. I'm a bit ashame to admit it, but I very much enjoyed playing with it too. I became quite obsessed with maximizing the space in the dollhouse for about half an hour. I'm not sure why, but I think it's related to my current remodeling work of my kitchen and family room. Well, if the dollhouse doesn't work out for my niece, I'm sure my wife wouldn't mind keeping it for herself.
My sister-in-law thinks my world rotates around her daughter
This all started when my sister-in-law thought it would be awesome for me to do a song and dance with my guitar during the birthday bash. I immediately get this picture in my head; I'm dressed like one of the tards from The Wiggles and one of the hyper-exuberant kids who's gyrating a little beyond his own control accidentally whacks me in the crouch. "No. I'm not doing this", I think to myself. The reply to the sister-in-law came out a little different, "Sure, I can do it, but I don't know any children songs". My wife will not be happy if I say no (cross reference JS hates celibacy). I had to say yes, but I'm thinking I'm so clever by adding, "I don't know any children songs". She'll think I'm not right for the job and find another option. I'm off the hook!
The next day she gives me a CD filled with children song, "JS, learn the songs in the CD by Sunday, ok?" Damn, my plan didn't work. "Sure no problem", was my reply. That's not what I envisioned coming out of my mouth. Ok, the celibacy thing doesn't seem so bad now so I bring this up with my wife, "Honey, your sister actually thinks I'm going to do a song and dance at the party. Does she think MY world rotates around her daughter? I don't have to time to practice. I busy blogging and I hate children songs". My wife was actually quite supportive - she replies, "Don't worry she's just teasing you. She understands you're busy". So I whip out the CD, "But honey she gave me this CD!". The wife replies, "I don't worry about it. She's just kidding with you."
All is well for a few days until the sister-in-law asked, "So, have you been practicing the children songs?" Seppuku time. "Uh, um, yeah about that..hehe..I'm been busy sis, haven't had a chance to practice". She smiles and replies, "Well, you still have Saturday to practice. That's one full day. Plenty of time." Great, I can't wait to get whacked in the crouch by a retarded hobbit. So I complain to my wife again, "I think you're wrong honey. She's serious. She's gonna make me dress up like one of those idiots in The Wiggles!". Same response, "Don't worry honey, she's just joking with you."
Sunday morning rolls around and my wife and I are loading all the party stuff into my car. I see my guitar in the car as well. I didn't load it. Dude, my wife is in on the scam! I can picture it now - Monday morning, "Boss, can't make it into work today. Don't feel well". Boss's response, "Why's that? You ok? By the way, I need a doctor's note for the HR records". Doctor's note will read, "JS got whacked in the crouch by a child".
My sister-in-law tells one of our mutual acquaintances that he is ugly
During the course of the birthday party, I'm having a conversation with this guy - a mutual acquaintance of my sister-in-law and me. My sister-in-law interrupts and tells me, "JS, I've recently met his wife. She is really pretty" So I play along, "Lucky guy. Pretty wives are always good." The sister-in-law continues and say to our mutual acquaintance, "Yeah, you are ugly and your wife is pretty. Lucky guy." He's flabbergasted so he immediately pulls out his Blackberry and shows us a picture of his 17 year old daughter, "My ugly genes created this". His daughter is very pretty and I responded, "So when does she turn 18?" Silence. My wife is standing right behind me. Celibacy isn't that bad.
Problem is I can't say to my wife, "No thanks, I'm busy blogging" because I'll risk practicing celibacy for the foreseeable future so I suck it up and play the part of the good uncle even though the thought of 20+ kids running and screaming while high on soda and candy makes me want to Seppuku.
Let me pause for a quick disclaimer:
Before all of ya'll get mad at me; I am painting this with a "little" more dramatic flare for the sake of humor. I love you through and through and that why I'm embarrassing you.
Here are the highlights:
- My wife was projecting herself onto our niece
- My sister-in-law thinks my world rotates around her daughter
- My sister-in-law tells one of our mutual acquaintances that he is ugly
My wife and I bought our niece the Pottery Barn Kids dollhouse for her birthday. My wife always wanted one when she was a little girl. She never got one, so now she's getting one for our niece. Well, so far the dollhouse has been used more by my wife and I than the niece. Truth is the niece will probably appreciate it more when she's a bit older, but right now my wife is appreciating it just fine. I'm a bit ashame to admit it, but I very much enjoyed playing with it too. I became quite obsessed with maximizing the space in the dollhouse for about half an hour. I'm not sure why, but I think it's related to my current remodeling work of my kitchen and family room. Well, if the dollhouse doesn't work out for my niece, I'm sure my wife wouldn't mind keeping it for herself.
My sister-in-law thinks my world rotates around her daughter
This all started when my sister-in-law thought it would be awesome for me to do a song and dance with my guitar during the birthday bash. I immediately get this picture in my head; I'm dressed like one of the tards from The Wiggles and one of the hyper-exuberant kids who's gyrating a little beyond his own control accidentally whacks me in the crouch. "No. I'm not doing this", I think to myself. The reply to the sister-in-law came out a little different, "Sure, I can do it, but I don't know any children songs". My wife will not be happy if I say no (cross reference JS hates celibacy). I had to say yes, but I'm thinking I'm so clever by adding, "I don't know any children songs". She'll think I'm not right for the job and find another option. I'm off the hook!
The next day she gives me a CD filled with children song, "JS, learn the songs in the CD by Sunday, ok?" Damn, my plan didn't work. "Sure no problem", was my reply. That's not what I envisioned coming out of my mouth. Ok, the celibacy thing doesn't seem so bad now so I bring this up with my wife, "Honey, your sister actually thinks I'm going to do a song and dance at the party. Does she think MY world rotates around her daughter? I don't have to time to practice. I busy blogging and I hate children songs". My wife was actually quite supportive - she replies, "Don't worry she's just teasing you. She understands you're busy". So I whip out the CD, "But honey she gave me this CD!". The wife replies, "I don't worry about it. She's just kidding with you."
All is well for a few days until the sister-in-law asked, "So, have you been practicing the children songs?" Seppuku time. "Uh, um, yeah about that..hehe..I'm been busy sis, haven't had a chance to practice". She smiles and replies, "Well, you still have Saturday to practice. That's one full day. Plenty of time." Great, I can't wait to get whacked in the crouch by a retarded hobbit. So I complain to my wife again, "I think you're wrong honey. She's serious. She's gonna make me dress up like one of those idiots in The Wiggles!". Same response, "Don't worry honey, she's just joking with you."
Sunday morning rolls around and my wife and I are loading all the party stuff into my car. I see my guitar in the car as well. I didn't load it. Dude, my wife is in on the scam! I can picture it now - Monday morning, "Boss, can't make it into work today. Don't feel well". Boss's response, "Why's that? You ok? By the way, I need a doctor's note for the HR records". Doctor's note will read, "JS got whacked in the crouch by a child".
My sister-in-law tells one of our mutual acquaintances that he is ugly
During the course of the birthday party, I'm having a conversation with this guy - a mutual acquaintance of my sister-in-law and me. My sister-in-law interrupts and tells me, "JS, I've recently met his wife. She is really pretty" So I play along, "Lucky guy. Pretty wives are always good." The sister-in-law continues and say to our mutual acquaintance, "Yeah, you are ugly and your wife is pretty. Lucky guy." He's flabbergasted so he immediately pulls out his Blackberry and shows us a picture of his 17 year old daughter, "My ugly genes created this". His daughter is very pretty and I responded, "So when does she turn 18?" Silence. My wife is standing right behind me. Celibacy isn't that bad.
2 comments:
Look at the comment below - the crosshair should be burning in the back of your skull now...
dude, i can't believe you would ask that about your mutual acquaintance's daughter...
so when does she turn 18?
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