Illegal Black Market Transactions

My friend received this hilarious message in his spam folder:

------ Forwarded Message
From: Black market <XXX- EMAIL OMITTED -XXX>
Date: Wed, 28 Nov 2007 20:19:18 +0100
To: [XX - EMAIL ADDRESS OMITTED - XX]
Subject: [POSSIBLE SPAM] Black market

Black market is online again !

1. Heroin, in liquid and crystal form.
2. Rocket fuel and Tomohawk rockets (serious enquiries only).
3. Other rockets (Air-to-Air), orders in batches of 10.
4. New shipment of cocaine has arrived, buy 9 grams and get 10th for free.
5. We also offer gay-slaves for sale, we offer only such service on the NET,
you can choose the one you like, then get straight to business.
6. Fake currencies, such as Euros and US dollars, prices would match competition.
7. Also, as always, we offer widest range of [XX - OMITTED -XX] and exclusive lolita galleries, to keep out clients busy.

Everyone is welcome, be it in States or any other place worldwide.

ATTENTION. Clearance offer. Buy 30 grams of heroin, get 5 free.
Prepay your batch of rockets (air-to-air) and recieve a portable rocket-lacuncher.

For security reasons, please email me if you want to get address of our online shop.
XXX- EMAIL OMITTED -XXX

------ End of Forwarded Message

This is too funny. "Black Market" has every illegal business covered. I can just imagine the conversation between Black Market and a potential buyer...

Buyer calls Black Market and Black Market Customer Service Representative (CSR) picks up the phone...

CSR: Good afternoon sir. Thank you for calling Black Market. My name is John Doe. I will be your customer service representative today. How can I help you?
Buyer: Hi, I saw your promotional clearance offer - buy 30 grams of heroin and get 5 grams free. Put me in for 60 grams.
CSR: Ok. While I'm inputting your heroin order, can I interest you in some Tomahawk rockets for any potential terrorist endeavors?
Buyer: You carry Tomahawks? Well, in that case, I'll take 5 of them.
CSR: Sorry sir, We can only take orders in batches of 10. We need to know you are a serious buyer. Terrorism should not be taken lightly.
Buyer: Of course. In that case, let's make it 20 Tomahawks.
CSR: Great! I'll start putting in the order right now. While I'm doing that sir, can I interest you in a sex slaves? We are currently offering such services exclusively through the Internet, but my manager told me that I can offer it to buyers who buy 10 or more Tomahawks. Interested?
Buyer: Hmmm, you know I don't really need the 10 free grams of heroin from my 60 gram purchase. Can I exchange it for a sex slave?
CSR: Let me ask my manager. Please hold sir.
[....elevator music....]
CSR: Thank you for holding sir. My manager said that we can only do the exchange for a sex slave on purchases of 120 grams of heroin or more.
Buyer: Ok, put me in for 120 grams of heroin.
CSR: No problemo. What type of sex slave are you looking for, sir?
Buyer: Gay Asian male.
CSR: Ok sir, let me do a quick check against our database to see what's available
Buyer: Ok
CSR: Ok, we have 2 possible matches. It looks like we have a gay male 5 foot 9 inches of Asian ancestry ready for delivery in 2 months. We also have a straight male 5 foot 6 inches of mixed Asian ancestry ready to be shipped out tomorrow. Which one do you want sir?
Buyer: I want the gay one, but I don't want to wait 2 months...
CSR: Sir, these guys are your "slaves". You can do whatever you want with them.
Buyer: Hmmm. My concern with the straight one is he lacks "experience"
CSR: I understand your concern. They're professionals. They're quick learners. Furthermore, you can mentor them. Think of the mentoring as foreplay.
Buyer: That's a very good point - I'll take the straight one then.
CSR: Ok sir, is there anything else I can help you with today?
Buyer: Nope, I think that's it.
CSR: Ok sir, I am confirming your order for 20 Tomahawk rockets and 120 grams of heroin with a complementary Asian male sex slave.
Buyer: Sounds good.
CSR: And since you are our first callers of the day we will be throwing in a free trial packet of fake Euros.
Buyer: Great!
CSR: Please bring the cash to the secret location for the transaction. We will call you back in an hour to tell you where that is.
Buyer: Ok. Thanks a lot for your help!
CSR: No problem sir. Black Market would like to thank you for business. You have a good day sir.
Buyer: Thanks. Bye.
CSR: Bye.