My Two Wives

My sister-in-law and her daughter stayed at my place during the Thanksgiving weekend. I was actually looking forward to this because I enjoy having more people around during any event that involves major feasting.

A quick note before I continue - My sister-in-law and I get along very well and I'm going to attempt to ruin that right now just like I did with this blog entry about her daughter

It's Thanksgiving morning. I did not set the alarm clock. There's no need. I was awakened by a frantically ringing door bell this particular morning. It's my sister-in-law. She just arrived at our house. Apparently she wants us to let her in. How self-centered. I stumbled out of my bed and tried to put on some clothes. I'm still half asleep and I almost ate it a couple of times trying to put on my pants while I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, "Hold on! I hear you! I'm on my way!" She continues to ring the door bell frantically. I finally open the door and she see my bed-head and my barely-opened eyes and said, "Why are you still asleep? Took you long enough to get the door. You know, it's freezing outside."

No I didn't, because I was nice and warm in bed until you woke me up, thank you very much...and Happy Thanksgiving to you too sis.

Not too long after that, everyone was getting ready to start the day. My wife and my sister-in-law were both working out the plan for the next few days and I was preparing to clean the hardwood floors. As I was prepping things I heard my sister-in-law make a comment to my wife, "JS is such a good husband to help you with the house chores." My wife immediately replies, "He's just doing it for show because you're here today. This is the first time he's done anything like this."

I'm flabbergasted - that's a flat out lie. Obviously, my wife was being sarcastic. Regardless, I felt a strong urge to defend myself by telling everyone that my wife and I decided the night before that I'm cleaning the hardwood floors and she's preparing the Thanksgiving dinner because the other way around would be a complete disaster.

Well, the sisters smelled blood and it's a sign of things to come.

Before lunch even rolled around, they had taken away what little power I had left. They both were ganging up on me on just about everything. If I said something and my wife disagreed with me, they both would disagree with me. If I did something and my sister-in-law didn't like it, the both of them wouldn't like it. Dear god, they were tag-teaming me any chance they could.

They're having way too much fun.

Ok, I get it - a wife is supposed to make their husband feel completely incompetent. I know it's a time-honored tradition among married women, but I now have two married women in my house making me feel like a complete retard. Slowly, but surely I begin to realized what I've signed up for...

Two Wives for Thanksgiving.

I feel sick. Let me tell you, there's nothing to give thanks about. By letting my sister-in-law stay with us for the next several days I've effectively gained additional responsibilities without any of the benefits. To make matters worse there's a whining little 5 year old involved!

I realized the predicament I'm in so I resort to the only option any reasonable man can come up with - I completely withdraw from any social interaction with them by pretending like I'm doing something really important. This plan works for about 30 minutes until everyone begins to settle into their chores for the day. My wife is in the kitchen preparing our Thanksgiving dinner. My sister-in-law is in the living room babysitting her daughter and helping out my wife as required.

Suddenly my wife calls out to me from the kitchen, "Honey, can you help me find a scissor? There should be one in the bathroom."

I purposely do not answer for fear that the both of them will use this as opportunity to gang up on me again. I try to sneak out into the backyard, but suddenly I hear another voice repeat the same thing, "Honey, can you help me find a scissor? There should be one in the bathroom." This voice didn't come from the kitchen. It came from the living room. It's my sister-in-law.

Dude...

The both of them do this for the rest of the Thanksgiving weekend. I hear everything that starts with "Honey" twice.

"Honey, can you take out the garbage?" Two seconds later I hear an echo, "Honey, can you take out the garbage?"

"Honey, can you clean this up?" Two seconds later, I hear an echo, "Honey, can you clean this up?"

Very friggin funny...

Sister-in-law's husband - I know why you were out-of-town. You've been married for a while now. You've probably been there and saw this coming. I took one for the team. You owe me.

Other family members who's reading this and can't believe I painted my wife and my sister-in-law in such a negative light - Go ahead tell them about what I've written. Tell all the other family members that I went overboard with this. I dare you. I'm empowered. I'm a bloody blogger. I've got stuff on you too and I can be very prolific.